Tuesday, October 3, 2017

10 Weeks of Reflection of My Mother's Death (10 Year Anniversary). Week 5-The Mind Gone Awry


I remember when I first heard this song by Pink which was released a year before my mother's death and shortly after one of my mother's manic episodes, which was the most painful: The time she refused to eat because she believed that President Bush was poisoning her food. During that time, she also refused dialysis treatment for the same reason. To top it off, she told me that I was not her daughter. It was one of most painful words I have ever heard from my mother.

As an adult child, who had been right by her side for most of her hospitalizations I could not believe she would utter these words but I had to realize the impact mental illness had on her life. When her episodes were in full throttle, whether manic or depressed, it was clear that mind had gone awry and that I had to forgive her.

Reflecting back on her mental illness it provided some comical moments, sad moments and downright scary moments at times. Like the time she thought she was pregnant by you know who!

But just Monday, my brother reminded me of the power of the mind and its ability to still be there despite the hold of a mental illness. At that time, my mom was home on leave from a mental hospital for the weekend and swiftly put out a fire that started in my brother's room. She moved from mental patient to SUPERHERO. There were many other times, my mother showed this even though she was dealing with a mind that was not playing fair.

I am thankful for my mother's illness. Although it cut her life very short and ultimately was behind her fall that led to her death, it taught many great lessons and made me a stronger human being. It also taught me the importance of taking care of your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health. She is the one reason why I am not afraid of doctors, although I still go to worse case scenario.

She had a mental illness for all of my life. It took a good decade for the wonder drug to be found, but she paid the price with it affecting her body later on in life.

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