7 Year Stretch-A Reflection of a Mother's Death

Well, November 3rd has passed, and I have moved into the seven-year stretch since my mother's death on November 3, 2007.

When I reflect back on the week before her death, I knew her time was limited in the end. The physical and mental signs were there but more importantly her body was tired from three decades of dealing with mental and physical illnesses. I also remember the feelings that I felt before and after her death.

Before her death (the two weeks before) I prayed for death, one that would be painless and would release her from the pain she had in the end. The shattered hip and femur bone in conjunction with damage to her heart would ultimately lead to her death.

The day before her official death-I said goodbye and told my mother it was o.k. to go and that I would see her again one day. The night before her death I saw person paralyzed by the bridge between this world and the next one.

The day of her death- I simply saw an angel or person who was truly at peace. Seeing her in this state was the memory I wanted to remember and helped me truly understand that what happens to us in death after years of being afraid of death.

Weeks after her death-A sense of weird silence. No more emergency phone calls or trips to the hospital, no more fighting for my mother, no more worrying about my mother for me. I swear the phone did not ring for weeks.

Over the past seven years, I have learned that grief is a process, and it never leaves us. Although it can go dormant, it tends to flare up right before those significant points in time, sometimes paralysing us.

Since her death or that fateful fall season I have hated the months of October, November and December ever since 2007. Faking emotions is necessary for me, but I know that one-day complete joy during this season will return one day.

This song always reminds me of my mother:

On a October Evening My World Changed

Late September will forever mark the time when my life was changed FOREVER. On September 25, I experienced for the first time the death of a boss. Then only to be hit with on October 3rd with the news that my mother had fallen while in the hospital, had shattered her hip and femur bone, and was in critical condition.

The period that followed after that faithfully fall evening when I found out the news would lead to me transforming my thoughts about sickness, death, and dying. It taught me that the precursor to death can be just a traumatic as the actual death of a person. As I move into the transition of being without my mother for seven years, and I am reminded of how quickly a month goes by. From October 3rd to November 3rd I watch with eyes wide open my mother's rapid transition to leaving this world.

Since 2007, I have learned that my heart and spirit have been permanently changed, and I am have become more accepting of the process of death and the importance of enjoying people while they are alive. In addition, I have begun to take my health more seriously, and I am more aware of the changes in my body as I age. I am thankful that I did that most of my time with mother and in the end I am left with the memory of her looking like she was at peace.

You Believed in Me: A Daughter's Reflection of 7 Motherless Mother's Days

For the past seven years, I have been ANTI-MOTHER'S DAY. Mother's day for me has become a day where I crawl in my cave for one day a year and succumb to the heartache that will never leave my heart. 

Being without my mother for the past 7 years has been a life TRANSFORMING experience. Her death taught me many things. 

Scott Hamilton once said the following: "If you believe in spirituality of a life force that is constant and forever, I think I absorbed a lot of her strength and a lot of her passion to hold it together and to fight through whatever obstacles lay in front of me." 

This is absolutely true for me 1000% percent. My mother was one of the great ones. One that still managed to raised well-adjusted children despite her mental and physical illnesses. 

This Eric Thomas motivational video truly reminds me of something my mother showed me through her spirit and ability to stay strong for so many years. 

Thank you Mom for your heart and spirit.  You embodied the true definition of resilience and the ability to preserve. 

A Birthday for An Angel-Reflections of My Guardian Angel

February 10 will mark what would have been my mother's 64th birthday. It is hard to believe that it will be seven birthdays without her! No trips to Red Lobster! No phone calls, and no cards! The song "I Love The Lord" reminds me of my mother deeply because it signifies her faith if God despite a lifetime filled with physical and mental illness.



February is heart month and my mother definitely had HEART! Who else could face bi-polar disease that robbed you of greatness or battle years of kidney disease like a champ. She taught me that pain is really temporary and that it will eventually subsided. She taught me that no matter how difficult your circumstance is, you still must remain resilient and understand that the rainbow is coming!



It only took 30 days for her to be here and then no longer. I still am so thankful that in death she left the world looking like an Angel.



I miss you mom but I know your HEART resides in me now and I hope I am making you proud.