Some of last words I would speak to my mother that she heard were on October 31, 2007. They were the most unkind words you can say to someone dying. For about a week, it was very evident that my mother was going to die. The signs were there. Skin deterioration due to most likely was her becoming septic and the fact that she was refusing to eat. As my mother's one and only daughter, I was part of her care team along with my Dad and this was something that I could not fix.
So on that faithful day I said the following: "If you don't eat, you are GOING TO DIE!". My mother responded with a few choice words and told me to leave her alone. So I did.
I did not return to see her until that Friday before her death. On that day, I learned that my mother had a massive heart attack. When I got to the hospital, the only thing between my mother and heaven was a machine. Walking into the room, I saw a woman ready to go but could not. Her eyes were fixed but with filled with great pain and sorrow. No reflexes of any kind that I could see.
On that day, I whisper to my mother: "I will be ok if you are ready" and left the room. I only spent about 10 minutes with my mother, before my father and I decided to grant her final wishes: to not be a vegetable and we put in a DNR order or do not resuscitate. She would die a little more than 13 hours later.
This song reminds me of my mother and tremendous gifts she gave me for 34 years of my life. Without her I would not be the woman I am today. This is my song of forgiveness for her.
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