A Tribute to My Mother

I wrote this shortly after my mother's death and read it at her memorial service. It's entitled "Heroes".

I have two heroes in my life, one living and the other who has passed on to the other side. Let me begin with the one who has passed. My mother, Christiner Crosby, is and will always be a hero in my life. When she was living she provided my brother, my father, and I with a very unique perspective on life: sometimes things never go your way. My mother was sick 34 years of my life. She battled bi-polar disorder and numerous physical ailments throughout her lifetime but never gave up. She was the best mother despite the battles she had to face on a daily basis. Even when her mind at times separated itself from the real world, she continued to nurture and provided her family with the love that has made us who we are today.

I was never ashamed of my mother. Even when her crazy and at times very comical self said weird and off the wall statements, I still knew that my mother loved us and was proud of us. My mother along with my father raised two children who could face any adversity. Her and my father’s love helped my brother and I to survive the following:

1. Her absences from our lives when she battled bi-polar disorder.
2. The lack of exposure to our extended family.
3. Our first touches with racism.
4. Words from those who couldn’t help themselves.
5. The nights and years that followed when my father lost his job and we had to live in the Pike Motel.
6. The nights and months that followed after my mother had her kidney transplant and the complications that followed.
7. The illostomy bag.
8. Her battles with hemodialysis.
9. And the battles at the end of her life.

My mother taught us to never give up, always do your best no matter what, crying is acceptable, it is o.k. to vent your opinions, only you stop yourself from doing things, and that God truly only gives you what you can handle.

Now I will speak about my living hero, my father, John Crosby. There is only one word to describe him and that is a “Saint.” He is a living saint. He is a man that although quiet and reserved, you always knew he is thinking about you. He is a man who always fought for the weak, even when he may have been weak himself. He is a man who always put others first. He and my mother were married for 35 years and this December would have been 36 years.

All I can say is that he is truly the best and there is no other person like him. Dad I want to tell you that I love you and that without you, John and I truly would have never made it. My mother would have never made it this long. You weathered the storms with mom and you may have wanted to leave at times, but you never did. For that you will be and are truly blessed.

I just want to say that “Tomorrow is not promised” and we all must remember that. I would like to leave you with a few things. One, my mother would not want you to cry over her or give her flowers after she is gone. The best thing you can do to remember my mother is 1) to become compassionate to those who have mental disorders. Bi-polar disorder to some extent when it is an extreme case as it was for my mother, can be hell, but if those around you are supportive you will see the rainbows in the storm. 2) Cherish your health and live life to the fullest.

Lastly, here is something that is reflective of what my mother went through. It is taken from the back cover of Kirk Franklin’s Hero album:

We are hard pressed on every side yet not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; persecuted but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed; for we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus sake; therefore we do not lose heart, for our light afflictions which is but only for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and external weight of glory.

And for the living my mother would probably say the following, which is taken from the song, Afterwhile by Kirk Franklin:

“Afterwhile, this too shall pass
Afterwhile scars will heal, you’ll love again
It won’t hurt you, afterwhile
Stuck between if and when, you prayed, you tried, but still no end
God’s purpose soon you’ll understand
It won’t hurt you, afterwhile
So when the pain has come to end and now your heart is whole again
Help someone who needs to know that it won’t hurt, afterwhile.”

My mother’s joy and pain happened for a reason. God embeds messages in our triumphs and suffering, the question is “Are we listening?”