Memories to Never Forget-A Daughter's Reflection of Life

As I sit her listening to Sade's Soldier of Love I am again reminder of how much I want to remember and put into words the GIFTS my mother gave me. In Sade's new song the Long Hard Road, I am reminded of a fact that my mother always assured me when she was absent from my life due to illness-It's Gonna Be Alright. So true. Whether it was joy or pain, things always were o.k. Here is a list of my most favorite memories of my mother, some are funny and others are tragic:

• When you solved the mystery of the "falling snowflakes on my face coming off a plane" dream. 
• Your brown baby and how it took us all over CA and Michigan. 
• When you PLAYED IN THE SNOW while John and I watched from indoors. 
• The first time I remember you going to the mental hospital via a police car. 
• When we had our own science experiment on the stove. 
• The day you tried to break John's tonka with a 2 by 4 when he broke one of my toys. 
• Letting us have boy and girl sleepovers. 
• The burrito parties with my friends. 
• Our trips to the movies. 
• Reading the Flowers in the Attic series with you. 
• Being there when I experienced my first real taste of bigotry in this country (when NIGGER was strayed on our garage door in Mich). 
• When you told me you were going to hold back the storm (while in the mental hospital) because you knew I was afraid of thunderstorms. 
• When you told me to run. 
• When you thought the cats had mink furs and you let all of penny's kittens out. 
• When you comforted John and I when our dog died in a snowstorm. 
• Every time you told me you loved me. 
• When you forgave me for throwing your cigarettes into the gutter. 
• Telling me about the birds and the bees at an early age. 
• Keeping your sanity when we had to live at the Pike Motel. 
• When you called me my freshman year to tell me that you kidneys failed and reassured me that you weren't going to die and for me to stay in school. 
• When you comforted me when my cat died. 
• The day your gallbladder burst and you thought you just had gas. 
• The day you taught me how to set up and take down your dialysis contraption when you were doing peritoneal dialysis. 
• The nine months you spent in the hospital after receiving a kidney transplant and they nicked your small intestine in the process. 
• The first time I saw you on a ventilator. 
• The first time I saw you tied to a dialysis machine. 
• The blup blup blup sound from your iliostomy bag. 
• The day I changed your pick line. 
• The day I changed your iliostomy bag. 
• Your battle scars from the transplant and gallbladder clean up. 
• The day you told me you were the bride of Jesus. 
• The day you told me you were going to have a baby (while in the hospital). 
• The day you met Matt while on the mental ward. 
• The day you were in the mental hospital and told me that I was not your daughter. 
• The day you refused to eat food because you thought you were being poisoned. 
• The weeks you refused dialysis treatment and we had to get court order to get it done. 
• The day you told me you stop taking your Prozac because you were planning our DEATHS! 
• The day you sat quietly why I stopped breathing while in the ER being treated for a locked jaw. 
• The many days you told me Matt and I were going to get married in December. 
• The joy in your eyes when you spoke of your grandchildren. 
• Your smile and laugh. 
• Your beautiful handwriting. 
• When you sent us beautiful letters. 
• When you sent us not so nice letters. 
• When you sent Matt a letter without me knowing. 
• The day I got the call when you fell and broke your hip. 
• Seeing you look like bozo the clown that night. 
• Watching you vitals go up and down and wondering how could you be so strong. 
• Seeing you the night of your hip surgery and you asking me for chocolate. 
• The last day you saw Matt EVER, and asking him when he was going to marry me. 
• The last week of your life-where I watch your body fails you and us, your skin show the signs of death, and when you and I argued about you lack of eating. 
• The night I whispered in your ear and told you if you were ready to go we would be alright. 
• The fact that you took the time to call your sisters and favorite uncle and say goodbye. 
• The night before you’re OFFICIALLY died and were stuck in limbo. 
• The first time I saw Dad cry. 
• The last time I saw you and I could tell that you were in HEAVEN. 
• Opening the box with your remains. 
• Knowing that your body was donated to science for purposes that were reflective of your life and may help mine one day: her body was donated to LIFE QUEST and they took her heart for a heart study, her spine and hip for a study as well. 
• Placing you in your urn and accidentally spilling you a little. 
• Speaking at your memorial services and paying tribute to you.
• Love you mom. You have instilled in memories for a lifetime that will keep my heart warm always and I know that the footprints I see behind me are yours making sure I stay on the right path.