November 2nd is a day I will never forget. Friday, November 2nd
marks five years to the day that my father and I decided to DNR (Do Not
Resuscitate) my mother. After about a month my mother's body had had
ENOUGH.
Having to make this decision is something you never hope you will
have to but you know if the time comes, you must honor the wishes of your love
ones. My mother never wanted to be vegetable and after her massive heart attack
on November 2nd decided to make sure that would not happen.
Of course, this decision was not made in haste but done so with
careful consideration and thought. I remember every detail of my final moments
with my mother before her death on November 3rd.
On this evening, after turning on my cell, I listened to several
message from family members trying to alert me that my mother had taken a turn
for the worst after battling complications of a hip and femur fracture for 30
days.
When I walked into the room, I immediately noticed her lifeless
body hooked up to machines. Although I had seen my mother on a ventilator
before this time was much different. I notice how her body seemed
paralysis-fixed in a state that she no longer wanted to be in.
As I walked around her bed, I began my "CSI-Doctor
Crosby" assessment:
1-Touch under her eye-her eyes did not blink.
2-Touch the palm of her hand-no reaction.
3-Touch the bottom of her foot-no reaction.
4-Tap her knee-no reflex response.
Her face seemed in great distress and she appeared frightened. At
that moment, I knew I was looking at a dead body being forced to breathe by
machines. I then whispered to my mother that it was o.k. to leave us now and I
quickly left the room.
As I walked into the waiting room, I saw father, a man who I had
never saw cry until this day. It broke my heart. At that moment we decided to DNR
her after the doctors told us that they could continue to treat her but it
would not change her situation.
I left the hospital shortly after. I could not bear to be there
when she died. I did not want to see or hear the machines stop and/or hear her
last breathe.
On the morning of November 3, I deliberately did not go to the
hospital right away. I knew that this would be they day my mother would leave
me. I called everyone I could think of to make sure that I did not make it to
the hospital. Around 8 am, my father called to let me know that the doctors
said it would not be long. I said o.k. and for him to call me when the time had
arrived. An hour later my mother died. My father and I met up at the hospital
about hour later so that the nurses could clean her up and remove all of the
machines from the room.
When I enter my mother's hospital room for the very last time I
saw what I NEEDED TO SEE: a woman who had suffered a lifetime of illnesses and
struggled for month at the end who was finally at PEACE.
My mother looked like an Angel! Her face was relaxed and no longer
held the image of fear and pain. I am so thankful that was the last image I was
left of my mother. It helped me tremendously during the months after her death
and continues to do so five years later.
My mother's death solidified for me that HEAVEN does exist and in
the end, we all leave this world without pain and have joy in our heart.
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