Since You Have Been Gone-8 Mother's Days without Mom-A Tribute

As Mother's Day approaches, I am always very reflective of the time I spent with my mother before her death on November 3, 2007. This year I have chosen to write about all the things I could not share with her that occurred during the past 8 years following her death. So here we go: 

2008-Year 1: I purchased my first brand new car, a 2009 Toyota Corolla. A sweet ride that I suspect if you were here I would have given you many rides in it! I also walked in my Masters Graduation. See I promised I would. 

2009-Year 2: Found Dad near death, he was diagnosised with Parkinson's and had to go into a nursing home. I suspect if you were still here we would be roomates. 

2010-Year 3: The year I decided to make huge change in my career. I suspect that you would have encouraged me to do so!!! 

2011-Year 4: I became a college professor and began my PhD program. Of course, I suspect you would have been my biggest cheerleader!!!! 

2012-Year 5: Cool sailing. First time in longtime I did feel I was in a state of chronic stress. 

2013-Year 6: Frozen Shoulder. Help MOM!!! I am sure you would have nursed me back to health and crocheted something to make me feel better. 

2014-Year 7: Cancer scare-Breast Tumor. If you were here I suspect I would have NEVER had meltdown about it and would have not developed the anxiety I have had since then about it. 

2015-Year 8: Hopefully I will become Dr. Cherie Laverne Crosby (early 2016 at the latest). I suspect if you were here this would have warranted you to make me the FAMOUS aftgan that you made for many but never had the opportunity to make me. 

What My Birthday Card Would Have Said to You on your 65th Birthday

Mom,

On this day, February 10, 2015 we are separated by Heaven and Earth but I wanted you to know that if I had the ability to send you a birthday card it would say this:

Mom,

You have made it to this great day in your life.
You are a 65 year old who have made it through a tough life but has done so with much grace.
You are the best mom and always will be. There is no other one like you!

Love,

Cherie

Unfortunately, I can only think these words and hope that you see them in heaven. I miss you, tremondously. Happy 65th Birthday in the Sky!

A Angel Robbed of their 65th Birthday

The month of February, the one of love, heart awareness, and kindness is now tainted with the fact that I am now a "motherless daughter" and I am a part of a club that robs the living of future memories of their love ones. 

This February 10 would have been my mother's 65th birthday. I often reflect on the fact that if she were alive today my life would have been dramatically different. For one, she would be living with me due to the fact that my father has Parkinson's and can no longer care for himself and needs nursing care. 

In addition, I would have shared the following memories: 

Celebrating the first black president in America with her. Something may not occur again in my lifetime. 

Purchasing my first new car. 

Having her at my Masters graduation. 

Celebrating my 40th birthday with her and her 60th birthday with her. 

Seeing how proud she would be of what I have become. 

Having her crochet a blanket for Matt's mom for her 90th birthday. 

Celebrating my transition into higher education. 

Talking extensively how history is repeating itself when it comes to education, civil rights, and human rights. 

Lasty, celebrating a very significant milestone in a person's life, turning 65. An age where we either are doing very well can celebrate the fact that we have a shot at living into our 80's or the age when we simply celebrate surviving a lifetime of difficult situations as in her case.   

I thankful for 35 years I did have with her but this year I feel like I have been ROBBED! 

MI and I Don't Mean Multiple Intelligence: A Daughter's Reflection of Her Mother's Mental Ilness

Watching this You Tube entitled, "When Mental Illness Enters the Family" reminds me how important it is for a family member to support their love ones as they battle a mental illness. In the video, the speaker mentions that 1 in 5 Americans will have a mental illness in this country. My mother was one of the millions of Americans who have to face not only a mental illness but the physical illnesses that come as a result of their battles with mental illness. 

My mother battled bi-polar a.k.a. manic-depression for my most of my childhood and a good portion of my adult life before her death in 2007. If she were alive today, she would have been approaching her 65th birthday on February 10th. 

The one lesson I learned from her battles with a mental illness is that no one should have to face a mental illness disease alone. Collectively as a society we should work towards making sure those afflicted with a mental illness get adequate care and support. We need to break down the walls of stigma that still exist in this country as well. 

I am thankful for all the friends, former colleagues, and students who have had the courage to share there stories regarding living with a mental illness. 

7 Year Stretch-A Reflection of a Mother's Death

Well, November 3rd has passed, and I have moved into the seven-year stretch since my mother's death on November 3, 2007.

When I reflect back on the week before her death, I knew her time was limited in the end. The physical and mental signs were there but more importantly her body was tired from three decades of dealing with mental and physical illnesses. I also remember the feelings that I felt before and after her death.

Before her death (the two weeks before) I prayed for death, one that would be painless and would release her from the pain she had in the end. The shattered hip and femur bone in conjunction with damage to her heart would ultimately lead to her death.

The day before her official death-I said goodbye and told my mother it was o.k. to go and that I would see her again one day. The night before her death I saw person paralyzed by the bridge between this world and the next one.

The day of her death- I simply saw an angel or person who was truly at peace. Seeing her in this state was the memory I wanted to remember and helped me truly understand that what happens to us in death after years of being afraid of death.

Weeks after her death-A sense of weird silence. No more emergency phone calls or trips to the hospital, no more fighting for my mother, no more worrying about my mother for me. I swear the phone did not ring for weeks.

Over the past seven years, I have learned that grief is a process, and it never leaves us. Although it can go dormant, it tends to flare up right before those significant points in time, sometimes paralysing us.

Since her death or that fateful fall season I have hated the months of October, November and December ever since 2007. Faking emotions is necessary for me, but I know that one-day complete joy during this season will return one day.

This song always reminds me of my mother:

On a October Evening My World Changed

Late September will forever mark the time when my life was changed FOREVER. On September 25, I experienced for the first time the death of a boss. Then only to be hit with on October 3rd with the news that my mother had fallen while in the hospital, had shattered her hip and femur bone, and was in critical condition.

The period that followed after that faithfully fall evening when I found out the news would lead to me transforming my thoughts about sickness, death, and dying. It taught me that the precursor to death can be just a traumatic as the actual death of a person. As I move into the transition of being without my mother for seven years, and I am reminded of how quickly a month goes by. From October 3rd to November 3rd I watch with eyes wide open my mother's rapid transition to leaving this world.

Since 2007, I have learned that my heart and spirit have been permanently changed, and I am have become more accepting of the process of death and the importance of enjoying people while they are alive. In addition, I have begun to take my health more seriously, and I am more aware of the changes in my body as I age. I am thankful that I did that most of my time with mother and in the end I am left with the memory of her looking like she was at peace.

You Believed in Me: A Daughter's Reflection of 7 Motherless Mother's Days

For the past seven years, I have been ANTI-MOTHER'S DAY. Mother's day for me has become a day where I crawl in my cave for one day a year and succumb to the heartache that will never leave my heart. 

Being without my mother for the past 7 years has been a life TRANSFORMING experience. Her death taught me many things. 

Scott Hamilton once said the following: "If you believe in spirituality of a life force that is constant and forever, I think I absorbed a lot of her strength and a lot of her passion to hold it together and to fight through whatever obstacles lay in front of me." 

This is absolutely true for me 1000% percent. My mother was one of the great ones. One that still managed to raised well-adjusted children despite her mental and physical illnesses. 

This Eric Thomas motivational video truly reminds me of something my mother showed me through her spirit and ability to stay strong for so many years. 

Thank you Mom for your heart and spirit.  You embodied the true definition of resilience and the ability to preserve.