8 Years Without You at Christmas: Remembering a Loved One Lost (A Tribute to My Mother)

Holidays for me were forever changed many years ago and permanently changed when my mother died on November 3, 2007. Often during holidays, I find myself "faking joy" to mask the pain of not having my mother with us during the holiday. My mother loved Christmas and ironically my parents were married on Christmas Day. I believe this year would have been their 44th anniversary.

I am always amazed how many people do not take the time to "love" and remember their loved ones while they are living. So a simple task, but often put on the back burner. Trust me, do not wait. Because once they are gone, there are no more opportunities. Visiting a grave, going to their favorite place or writing about them will never replace seeing them in the flesh.

That said, we must never forget how they impact us,  but we definitely must learn to live without their physical presence in our lives and realize that they now "belong to heaven" and we will meet again when our time comes to make the transition from the living to the land of Angels.

Mom-I love and miss you. I am passing on the gifts you gave to me to others.

Your Story Lives! A Thank You to Mom

Holidays still 8 years out HURT! There is a seat at the table that is no longer filled. You left us shortly before Thanksgiving in 2007. Since then I am reminded of the importance of keeping your story, your legacy alive. You life was one that most could not live and would probably have died long before you hit your worse. Your legacy is one of strength. You were a woman who could endure a tremendous amount of physical and mental pain, yet some way manage to raise to well adjusted children. You were a woman who a great sense of gratitude in your heart and shared that with others. You were a HIGHLY intelligent woman who most certainly would have done many other things if mental illness did not rob your of your full potential. You taught me that whining and complaining about is life is USELESS. I rarely witness you doing that. 

Thank you Mom for being the best mother EVER! It is because of you I am a woman of strength and one that sees the possibilities in life. I will continue to share your STORY till we meet again. 

The Day After.......Remembering the Lost (A Tribute to Mother)

The lost of a love one changes us. The day after, the month after, the year after, the decade after and so on. Often in the immediate days following a loss we try to understand why it occurred. We blame ourselves, the doctors, and even our love ones for their death. Anger and sadness consumes us and we often feel a sensation of drowning without hope of recovery. 

But we will and must recover from our losses of those we love. For they want us to us. I know in my heart my mother wanted me the moments after her death to two things: fulfill her wishes, live on, and share her legacy. Although in the end we were not entirely able to grant her wish of having an autopsy and have her body donated to science for research (you can not donate and have an autopsy, too). We opted for a donation to science research. As a result, a group of medical researchers or students were able to study the effects of illness on the heart and how it affected our skeletal system. 

The greatest lesson I have learned every day since that November day was that our death's are often meant to be. Whether it is to end chronic pain and illness in the case of my mother or to grant extended life to another through organ donation (someone provided that for my mother years before her death). More importantly, we must not be compelled to cry every day. Our love ones would not want that for us. They would want us to live on. 

For those who are young in the game: Remember the loss of parent will leave an empty space that may never be filled, but the days, nights, weeks, and years will get better as we move through the stages of grief. 

The greatest gift we can give our departed parent is to live our life out fully and share the legacy with others. 

Since You Have Been Gone-8 Mother's Days without Mom-A Tribute

As Mother's Day approaches, I am always very reflective of the time I spent with my mother before her death on November 3, 2007. This year I have chosen to write about all the things I could not share with her that occurred during the past 8 years following her death. So here we go: 

2008-Year 1: I purchased my first brand new car, a 2009 Toyota Corolla. A sweet ride that I suspect if you were here I would have given you many rides in it! I also walked in my Masters Graduation. See I promised I would. 

2009-Year 2: Found Dad near death, he was diagnosised with Parkinson's and had to go into a nursing home. I suspect if you were still here we would be roomates. 

2010-Year 3: The year I decided to make huge change in my career. I suspect that you would have encouraged me to do so!!! 

2011-Year 4: I became a college professor and began my PhD program. Of course, I suspect you would have been my biggest cheerleader!!!! 

2012-Year 5: Cool sailing. First time in longtime I did feel I was in a state of chronic stress. 

2013-Year 6: Frozen Shoulder. Help MOM!!! I am sure you would have nursed me back to health and crocheted something to make me feel better. 

2014-Year 7: Cancer scare-Breast Tumor. If you were here I suspect I would have NEVER had meltdown about it and would have not developed the anxiety I have had since then about it. 

2015-Year 8: Hopefully I will become Dr. Cherie Laverne Crosby (early 2016 at the latest). I suspect if you were here this would have warranted you to make me the FAMOUS aftgan that you made for many but never had the opportunity to make me. 

What My Birthday Card Would Have Said to You on your 65th Birthday

Mom,

On this day, February 10, 2015 we are separated by Heaven and Earth but I wanted you to know that if I had the ability to send you a birthday card it would say this:

Mom,

You have made it to this great day in your life.
You are a 65 year old who have made it through a tough life but has done so with much grace.
You are the best mom and always will be. There is no other one like you!

Love,

Cherie

Unfortunately, I can only think these words and hope that you see them in heaven. I miss you, tremondously. Happy 65th Birthday in the Sky!

A Angel Robbed of their 65th Birthday

The month of February, the one of love, heart awareness, and kindness is now tainted with the fact that I am now a "motherless daughter" and I am a part of a club that robs the living of future memories of their love ones. 

This February 10 would have been my mother's 65th birthday. I often reflect on the fact that if she were alive today my life would have been dramatically different. For one, she would be living with me due to the fact that my father has Parkinson's and can no longer care for himself and needs nursing care. 

In addition, I would have shared the following memories: 

Celebrating the first black president in America with her. Something may not occur again in my lifetime. 

Purchasing my first new car. 

Having her at my Masters graduation. 

Celebrating my 40th birthday with her and her 60th birthday with her. 

Seeing how proud she would be of what I have become. 

Having her crochet a blanket for Matt's mom for her 90th birthday. 

Celebrating my transition into higher education. 

Talking extensively how history is repeating itself when it comes to education, civil rights, and human rights. 

Lasty, celebrating a very significant milestone in a person's life, turning 65. An age where we either are doing very well can celebrate the fact that we have a shot at living into our 80's or the age when we simply celebrate surviving a lifetime of difficult situations as in her case.   

I thankful for 35 years I did have with her but this year I feel like I have been ROBBED! 

MI and I Don't Mean Multiple Intelligence: A Daughter's Reflection of Her Mother's Mental Ilness

Watching this You Tube entitled, "When Mental Illness Enters the Family" reminds me how important it is for a family member to support their love ones as they battle a mental illness. In the video, the speaker mentions that 1 in 5 Americans will have a mental illness in this country. My mother was one of the millions of Americans who have to face not only a mental illness but the physical illnesses that come as a result of their battles with mental illness. 

My mother battled bi-polar a.k.a. manic-depression for my most of my childhood and a good portion of my adult life before her death in 2007. If she were alive today, she would have been approaching her 65th birthday on February 10th. 

The one lesson I learned from her battles with a mental illness is that no one should have to face a mental illness disease alone. Collectively as a society we should work towards making sure those afflicted with a mental illness get adequate care and support. We need to break down the walls of stigma that still exist in this country as well. 

I am thankful for all the friends, former colleagues, and students who have had the courage to share there stories regarding living with a mental illness.