7 Year Stretch-A Reflection of a Mother's Death

Well, November 3rd has passed, and I have moved into the seven-year stretch since my mother's death on November 3, 2007.

When I reflect back on the week before her death, I knew her time was limited in the end. The physical and mental signs were there but more importantly her body was tired from three decades of dealing with mental and physical illnesses. I also remember the feelings that I felt before and after her death.

Before her death (the two weeks before) I prayed for death, one that would be painless and would release her from the pain she had in the end. The shattered hip and femur bone in conjunction with damage to her heart would ultimately lead to her death.

The day before her official death-I said goodbye and told my mother it was o.k. to go and that I would see her again one day. The night before her death I saw person paralyzed by the bridge between this world and the next one.

The day of her death- I simply saw an angel or person who was truly at peace. Seeing her in this state was the memory I wanted to remember and helped me truly understand that what happens to us in death after years of being afraid of death.

Weeks after her death-A sense of weird silence. No more emergency phone calls or trips to the hospital, no more fighting for my mother, no more worrying about my mother for me. I swear the phone did not ring for weeks.

Over the past seven years, I have learned that grief is a process, and it never leaves us. Although it can go dormant, it tends to flare up right before those significant points in time, sometimes paralysing us.

Since her death or that fateful fall season I have hated the months of October, November and December ever since 2007. Faking emotions is necessary for me, but I know that one-day complete joy during this season will return one day.

This song always reminds me of my mother:

On a October Evening My World Changed

Late September will forever mark the time when my life was changed FOREVER. On September 25, I experienced for the first time the death of a boss. Then only to be hit with on October 3rd with the news that my mother had fallen while in the hospital, had shattered her hip and femur bone, and was in critical condition.

The period that followed after that faithfully fall evening when I found out the news would lead to me transforming my thoughts about sickness, death, and dying. It taught me that the precursor to death can be just a traumatic as the actual death of a person. As I move into the transition of being without my mother for seven years, and I am reminded of how quickly a month goes by. From October 3rd to November 3rd I watch with eyes wide open my mother's rapid transition to leaving this world.

Since 2007, I have learned that my heart and spirit have been permanently changed, and I am have become more accepting of the process of death and the importance of enjoying people while they are alive. In addition, I have begun to take my health more seriously, and I am more aware of the changes in my body as I age. I am thankful that I did that most of my time with mother and in the end I am left with the memory of her looking like she was at peace.

You Believed in Me: A Daughter's Reflection of 7 Motherless Mother's Days

For the past seven years, I have been ANTI-MOTHER'S DAY. Mother's day for me has become a day where I crawl in my cave for one day a year and succumb to the heartache that will never leave my heart. 

Being without my mother for the past 7 years has been a life TRANSFORMING experience. Her death taught me many things. 

Scott Hamilton once said the following: "If you believe in spirituality of a life force that is constant and forever, I think I absorbed a lot of her strength and a lot of her passion to hold it together and to fight through whatever obstacles lay in front of me." 

This is absolutely true for me 1000% percent. My mother was one of the great ones. One that still managed to raised well-adjusted children despite her mental and physical illnesses. 

This Eric Thomas motivational video truly reminds me of something my mother showed me through her spirit and ability to stay strong for so many years. 

Thank you Mom for your heart and spirit.  You embodied the true definition of resilience and the ability to preserve. 

A Birthday for An Angel-Reflections of My Guardian Angel

February 10 will mark what would have been my mother's 64th birthday. It is hard to believe that it will be seven birthdays without her! No trips to Red Lobster! No phone calls, and no cards! The song "I Love The Lord" reminds me of my mother deeply because it signifies her faith if God despite a lifetime filled with physical and mental illness.



February is heart month and my mother definitely had HEART! Who else could face bi-polar disease that robbed you of greatness or battle years of kidney disease like a champ. She taught me that pain is really temporary and that it will eventually subsided. She taught me that no matter how difficult your circumstance is, you still must remain resilient and understand that the rainbow is coming!



It only took 30 days for her to be here and then no longer. I still am so thankful that in death she left the world looking like an Angel.



I miss you mom but I know your HEART resides in me now and I hope I am making you proud.

Less Than 60-A Lesson in Living

My mother, Christiner W. Crosby, had less than 60 years on Earth. At age 57 she died from complications from a hip and femur fractures and a lifetime of illnesses. During her very short 57 years she did live. Here is a brief history of how she lived:

1-On December 25, 1971 she married my father. Not many people can say that they got married on Christmas. Not only did they marry on Christmas but my grandfather married them. 

2-My mother had two children, my brother John and I. Despite having to deal with bi-polar disorder for much of our childhood and adulthood she managed to raise two children who never did drugs, never were hospitalized for mental disorders, never had children out of wedlock, and managed to become two well adjusted kids. One with a beautiful family and the other who has dedicated her life to helping (teaching and mentoring) others. 

3-Parenting from the mental hospital. Even when my mother was hospitalized in state hospitals she would still call her children to parent them. One example is when my mother called me to ease my fear of thunderstorms when we lived in Michigan. The other is when she asked my brother to get on the phone after me telling her that he had not been to school in a week and did not have a fever.

4-Aftgans and crosses. My mother LOVED to crotchet and would often make her signature aftgans and crosses for people she loved. 

5-Movies and laughter. My mom loved movies and I have very fond memories of us going to the movies and or watching movies with her. 

6-Style-Even when my mother was ill whether physically or mentally, she always sported the best afro in town. 

Lastly, despite having to deal with 36 years of mental illnss and at least 20 years of physical illnesses my mother LIVED. Many would have given up at age 40, my mother lasted 17 years past that. She pushed through her pain and heartache so that her children could have their mother during the years that matter most. Sure I wish I had her at age 40, but I am thankful that she gave me her best years and taught me that true STRENGTH lies within all us. 

Moral of the Story: Stop complaining and start living! For we never know how long we will have on their earth and would not be better to have lived them living?   

Cover Me-A Daughter's Reflection of Dark Time (The Loss of her Mother)

October 3rd through November 3rd was one of many but probably the darkest time in my life. It is the period in my life that I watch my mother quickly slip away and leave this world after a fall which resulted in hip and femur fracture.

Reflecting back, I remember one thing that I did during this time. I prayed for peace (death) for my mother. Her pain during this time was one that no human being should have to endure after a lifetime of pain. In my heart, I knew this would be the best thing for her and it did not really matter how those that would be left behind for she left us with a great legacy. One that reminds us, that within us great strength lies and death is something not to fear.

As I no long remember her voice and smell, I certainty know that she is at peace. For the last time I saw her I saw a woman who looked liked an angel.

As the Kirk Franklin Song "The Storm is Over" says... "No more cloudy days, they are all gone.....no more sickness in my body... the storm is over now".

I will be forever grateful for my mother's love and guidance because she and her trials and tribulations have a lot to do with who I am as woman!

Age 39-The Beginning of the End (Reflection of My Mom)

During my science method course, we discussed health awareness and the importance of teaching it to young children.  We talked about habits learned in our youth can last a lifetime.  This led to a flash forward discussion about how what happens to us between 40-60 years of age determines whether we will live into our 80's and 90's. 

As I reflect on my mother's health path, the beginning of the end began for her just shy of her 40th birthday when she was 39 years old.  During a doctor's visit I attended with her the doctor told her that she had 20 percent kidney function and would have total kidney failure in two years. 

Two years to the date, when she was 41 or 42 years old her kidneys failed and she began a fast track to a road scarred with illnesses that eventually lead to her death at age 57 in 2007. 

It is interesting that I did not really think about I have just hit the first milestone after my mother's death or being the same age she was when her illnesses escalated. 

Her journey of pain and sacrifice taught me that it is always temporary, that we are truly given only what handle, and that in the end death comes as blessing and not curse. 

As I approach Mother's Day, my heart gets a little hardened but shortly after the date I am reminded of legacy my mother left me and the strength that she gave me to live a life of purpose and joy.